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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25877215">The Present</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassunjey/pseuds/Cassunjey'>Cassunjey</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Related, Family, Family Feels, Gen, Leaving Home, Mother-Son Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:21:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,896</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25877215</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassunjey/pseuds/Cassunjey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A one shot set the night before Fili and Kili are due to leave for Erebor.</p><p>Sleep is in short supply for some members of the Durin household.</p><p>Told from the point of view of Dis.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dís &amp; Fíli &amp; Kíli (Tolkien), Fíli &amp; Kíli (Tolkien)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Present</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Resting her cheek on her palm Dis slid the little knife across the worn table top.</p><p>She balanced it on the table edge and slipped her forefinger through the hole in the short hilt. It was too loose but that was fine, it hadn't been made for her. Clenching her fist the blade stood out above her knuckle like the claw of a dangerous beast. She smiled.</p><p>Turning it this way and that she studied it closely, looking for imperfections as the edge caught on the dying light from the stove. She nodded in satisfaction, pleased with herself, it was fine work.</p><p>Not a weapon to dissuade or intimidate an opponent with. No. This was a hidden advantage. Something to tip the balance when all else had failed.</p><p>Dis hoped with all heart that he would never have cause to use it.</p><p>Tugging her wrapper tighter about her she placed the knife gently back down on the table and reached forward to lift another log from the woodpile. Throwing it into the little pot bellied stove she watched the puff of sparks float upward as it landed on the embers. She left the front panel open so she could watch the flames.</p><p>The thought of the dragon not dead as Thorin hoped but alive and waiting for them frightened her more than she liked to admit. She could remember the smell more than anything, the reek of fire and death.</p><p>Only a little dwarfling when Erebor fell her strongest memory of that dreadful day was of running, her boots ringing on stone and her own breathing loud in her ears, a big hand tugging her along. And the noise. The terrible noise of lives cut short.</p><p>Lost in dark memories she startled at the faint click of a door opening. Looking up from the fire she smiled as her boy reversed quietly out the heavy bedroom door, closing the latch carefully behind him. A shirt thrown over his shoulder, trousers loose about his hips.</p><p>He turned and froze in place as he saw her sitting in the semi-darkness. She reached behind her and pulled a cloth over the presents, hiding them from view.</p><p>“Amad," he whispered, grabbing his shirt and pulling it on quickly. She looked away to give him privacy as he straightened himself.</p><p>He dropped a kiss into her hair as he joined her, the old wooden bench dipping and creaking with his weight.</p><p>“What are you doing up so late, Amad?”</p><p>“The same as you I expect.”</p><p>Fili smiled ruefully with a shrug. “I thought I should let him get some sleep or else it'll be a long day listening to him tomorrow. You know how grumpy he gets when he's tired.”</p><p>“I know.” Dis pushed a lock of tangled hair away from his face, gold shining in the firelight. She cupped his jaw and smiled at him. “I'll make us a drink.”</p><p>Pressing her forehead to his briefly she stood up and made her way around the table and into the kitchen area.</p><p>Checking the temperature of the range with the back of her hand she set a pot on and fetched the jug of milk from the cold hole. She gave it a cautionary sniff before pouring enough for two mugs into the pot. Added a little more just in case.</p><p>Replacing the jug she lifted the little piece of nutmeg from the spice basket and searched through the rack for her grater.</p><p>She glanced back over her shoulder at him, his head now pillowed on his arms as he watched the flames dancing in the stove.</p><p>What am I going to do without you both, she thought, suddenly feeling very lonely and very sad. She hadn't realised that she had sighed until he lifted his head, looking at her with concern.</p><p>“I'm fine." She smiled, turning her face away and busied herself stirring and grating. She spoke to the range, not quite ready to meet his eyes.</p><p>“I'm just going to miss you both. This place will be too big and far too tidy without you two here.”</p><p>She heard the bench shifting under his weight and turned back to look at him, leaning her back against the counter as she watched him look around the small house as if seeing it for the first time.</p><p>Committing it to memory, she suspected. He knew as well as she did that if the quest were successful it would be many years before Fili could be spared to return to his childhood home in the Blue Mountains. If at all. His place would be in Erebor, at his uncle's right hand.</p><p>She watched him, as she had watched him so many times before. His fingers unconsciously tracing patterns, lightly following the scores and grooves scarred into the table top. The marks of time passing that had been carved into the wood by two growing dwarflings as they ate, played, studied and quarrelled their way through the last seventy odd years.</p><p>Deep in thought his eyes rested at last on the packs piled in the corner nearest the door. Kili's quiver and bow propped up against them. Their swords and knives, cleaned and sharpened and waiting for them in the little weapons rack.</p><p>He turned back to her, his face serious. She recognised the determined look that told of a decision made.</p><p>“We will stay a while longer.”</p><p>Dis shook her head, smiled. “You will not. Your plans are made and your goodbyes said. Don't you mind me, I'll have enough to do keeping this place running. More than enough.”</p><p>“We're only going down to the sea, Amad. There's plenty of time before we have to meet Uncle Thorin.”</p><p>She stirred the little pot, watched the first tendrils of stream rise. It was tempting, and they would stay if she but said the word. Her good boys.</p><p>They could spend some more time together, she thought. Like today. A rare and beautiful day, one to treasure.</p><p>Dis had cleared her desk early and excused herself from any further duties, in a tone that brooked no arguments, rushing across the city to the training yard.</p><p>She had stood back in the shadows and watched them spar, her heart bursting with pride.</p><p>It was Kili who had spotted her first, distracting himself by smiling at her when he really should have known better by now than to take his eyes off Fili.</p><p>She had winced and shook her head as her youngest hit the ground. Fili laughing as he turned and waved her over to join them, tossing her one of his practice swords as he placed a boot on Kili's shoulder and rolled him out of the way.</p><p>I should have made more time for this, she had thought, as she clashed swords with Fili. Kili cheering her on loudly before joining in with a roar to help her.</p><p>After they had broke for water and some bread Kili had insisted that they all needed an archery lesson. A thinly veiled excuse to show off to his Amad and show up his big brother.</p><p>Fili had got his own back when they moved on to throwing knives, crowing happily at his own prowess and heckling Kili and Dis on their turns. It had taken Dis until the final round before she had shaken off the cobwebs, hitting the dead centre of the target over and over to the delight of both boys.</p><p>Tired and happy they had left the yard and headed for home. Walking through the streets flanked by her boys Dis had felt all eyes following them. She had held her head higher and chose to believe the looks were envious.</p><p>Whilst they had bathed she had prepared them a last dinner with the best of what she had found that morning in the stores. As many vegetables as she could pile into them. And a fruit pie of sorts for afters. All the food she was certain they wouldn't get out on the road, despite Thorin's assurances to her that they would eat well.</p><p>Kili had been the first to emerge, wet hair dripping onto the table as he stretched to steal chunks of apple from the pie dish whilst she rolled out pastry. Shaking his fingers and laughing when she rapped his knuckles soundly.</p><p>Dis had eaten little, her stomach clenching and appetite failing her as darkness crept into the house and she became ever aware of her precious time with them growing short.</p><p>Thankfully neither of her boys seemed similarly affected and she had smiled as they enthusiastically helped themselves to seconds, Kili making sure to scrape the pie dish clean and run his fingers around the empty cream jug before he declared himself done.</p><p>They had insisted on clearing the dishes for her and despite her protests chased her to one of the overstuffed armchairs.</p><p>She had watched as, after a quick, hushed debate, Kili busied himself at the sink and Fili lit the stove before coming to sit at her feet. Her fingers stroking through his hair, taking her time to weave the familiar braids, as he allowed her to take his brother's place this last night.</p><p>When all was done the boys had headed off to the alehouse to say a final goodbye to their friends and the house fell quiet and she had deflated. Suddenly realising that they were truly going to leave her. It had hit her like a hammer blow and she had sat, head in hands, breathing hard for some time before she had felt strong enough to get up from the chair.</p><p>I need more time, she thought desperately, I haven't had nearly enough time with them.</p><p>Fear wouldn't let her rest. The terrible fear that had been taking hold within her since Erebor became more than just a dream of vengeance.</p><p>It gnawed at her, clutching at her heart, waking her gasping and clawing at the covers in the middle of the night. Terrified that when they walked out through the city gates they would be walking away from her forever.</p><p>Like their Uncle Frerin.</p><p>Like their father.</p><p>Noticing Fili was looking at her with concern again, she pasted a bright smile on her face. “No. Go and enjoy yourselves, it could be a while before you see the sea again. And it will be a hard march to Erebor.”</p><p>He looked down at the table. She watched as he picked at a knot with his fingernail.</p><p>“You will be fine, Fili. Your Uncle Thorin is very proud of you.”</p><p>He nodded, she knew he didn't believe it. Dis took the pan off the heat, poured the two mugs and moved to join him.</p><p>“He is. You are everything he could ever want for his heir. He has told me so, many times. You are perfect, Fili.”</p><p>He shook his head. “What if I'm not good enough?”</p><p>“Drink your drink while it's warm. Of course you are good enough. More than good enough. Thorin would not take you with him if he didn't think so.”</p><p>She smiled at him and stroked his hair, he managed a weak smile in return as she continued. “The dark time before dawn is not the time to question yourself, my Fili.”</p><p>Dis thought that she had never been as furious as the night Thorin stood in the great hall and called for silence. Waiting for everyone to settle before he announced that he would be taking his heir Fili with him at the head of the clans to reclaim Erebor.</p><p>The rage that swelled within her chest had mixed oddly with the relief that Thorin hadn't mentioned Kili. A selfish relief that disappeared the instant she saw the devastation written across her boys’ faces. The shared look between them as Thorin waved his eldest nephew forward and Fili moved to obey.</p><p>Dis had elbowed her way to Kili's side and weaved her fingers into his. Putting her own towering fury at not being consulted aside to comfort her boy.</p><p>They had stood together in silence whilst the crowd cheered and stamped their heavy boots in approval all around them. Watched as Fili made his way forward, the crowd slowly parting before him, dwarves slapping him on his broad shoulders and reaching to shake his hand.</p><p>She had squeezed Kili’s slack fingers as they watched Fili climb up onto the dais beside his uncle. Thorin greeting him with open arms and a huge smile, touching their foreheads together before he wrapped an arm tightly around Fili's shoulders and turned him to face the cheering crowd.</p><p>Kili's face had grown tighter as his uncle announced the remainder of the hall's representatives. Loud cheers and whistles and much backslapping accompanying each of the chosen dwarves as they made their way forward to join Thorin and Fili on the platform.</p><p>Her heart had hurt for him as, against all odds, he held on to a flicker of hope. His shoulders not sagging with disappointment until the moment Thorin finished his speech to rapturous applause.</p><p>Looking down at her with a bright smile that didn't touch his eyes he had given her a brief, fierce hug before turning and disappearing into the crowd.</p><p>Thorin had been oblivious and unrepentant when she had confronted him later in the evening, dragging him into one of the smaller chambers away from the main hall and slamming the door.</p><p>“You cannot separate them, brother.”</p><p>She had resisted the urge to shake him. “They have never spent a day apart, you will tear their hearts into pieces.”</p><p>Thorin had set his tankard down and sighed heavily. “Dis. He's too young.”</p><p>“There's five years between them, Thorin. Five. If Kili is too young then they both are.”</p><p>She had glared at him, waited for a response until it became apparent that none would be forthcoming.</p><p>“You're taking Ori.”</p><p>She breathed in, made a conscious effort to relax her fists. “Thorin. Do you have any idea how you've made him feel?”</p><p>He had stepped across the room and taken her hands, looked deeply into her eyes. “I will not take them both, Dis. If something should happen-”</p><p>She hadn't let him finish.</p><p>It had taken two weeks for Thorin to change his mind and make the announcement that he would be taking both his beloved nephews with him on his quest to remain Erebor. And that Dis would remain to rule the halls in his stead.</p><p>She looked now at the worried boy beside her, responsibility weighing too heavily on his young shoulders.</p><p>“Here." She flicked the cloth back and pushed the little knife to him. "This is for you.”</p><p>Fili grinned at her happily and lifted the knife, moving closer to the stove to examine it.</p><p>“Amad. Thank you, it’s a fine blade.”</p><p>She watched as he found the inscription, touched a finger to the tiny runes that had given her so much difficulty. Kili's runestone had been much less troublesome.</p><p>He looked up, met her eyes. “Of course I will, Amad. We both will, I promise.”</p><p>Scooting back down the bench he set down the blade and wrapped her up in a warm hug. Dis buried her head in his neck and breathed him in. The tears that had been building for months threatening to spill over.</p><p>If I start crying now I'll never stop, she told herself firmly as she hugged him tightly to her.</p><p>Extracting herself with difficulty she forced a smile on to her face. “See that you do. It'll be a grand adventure and I'll want to hear all about it when we meet again. Every detail, no matter how small.”</p><p>He smiled back, nodded.</p><p>“Good. Now, bring me your boots and I'll show you where this goes.”</p><p>Obediently he padded off in his bare feet to fetch them from beside the front door. Returned and handed both to her.</p><p>Dis set one on the floor and turned the other in her hands. Lifting the little knife she tucked it in beneath a buckle. Smiled as she looked at it from every angle.</p><p>“Look." Dis handed the boot to him. “No-one will suspect it is even there. Try it.”</p><p>He grinned at her and shoved the boot on. Knelt and drew the little knife, nodding his approval.</p><p>“It's perfect, Amad.” He took the boot off and returned the knife to it’s hiding place. Compared the boot to the other one. “I will treasure it.”</p><p>“I know you will.' She leaned forward and kissed him. “My good boy.”</p><p>They both looked up at the click of the bedroom door.</p><p>“It's the middle of the night.” Kili stretched in the doorway, rubbing his eyes. “Can one of you please explain to me why I am up in the middle of the night?”</p><p>He joined them at the table, dropping a kiss into her hair and then Fili's.</p><p>“I woke up and I was cold, Fee,” he said accusingly as Fili wrapped an arm around his bare shoulders.</p><p>“I'm sorry, little brother." Fili shared a smile with her as Kili yawned widely.</p><p>Kili reached for his brother's mug, tipped it and made a little disappointed noise.</p><p>Dis stood and ran a hand through his sleep mussed hair as he grinned up at her expectantly. “There's more in the pan, I'll get you some.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Amad - Mother</p><p> </p><p>From the movies we know Dis gave Kili his runestone so I was thinking it's unlikely she wouldn't have also given Fili a gift. </p><p> </p><p>I always feel like my writing is a bit dialogue heavy so I wanted to try and spend a little more time in a characters head. </p><p>And I love Dis, I always feel so sorry for her. </p><p>Any and all feedback welcomed.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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